essea: (42.)
ɪᴏʀᴠᴇᴛʜ. ([personal profile] essea) wrote2022-09-07 10:10 am
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nibbling: (pic#17273788)

[personal profile] nibbling 2025-01-27 11:37 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Astarion wishes he could complain about having to travel through the forest, but it is his fault that they have to at all; if not for his vampirism, they'd already be across the river by now, someplace safe. He feels a little tremor of fear shake through him, questioning what will become of him if they don't find 'someplace suitable' in time, but he stuffs the thought down. ]

All right.

[ There's a million other things he could say, but it isn't the time. Apologies and questions will have to come later, when he's certain that death won't come for him today. He tugs Iorveth along by the hand as he follows the river as instructed, keeping a healthy distance from the water that runs beside them. ]

We'd better make haste, then. I don't fancy finding out how long it takes for the sun to burn me to ash.
nibbling: (pic#17184082)

[personal profile] nibbling 2025-01-28 01:07 am (UTC)(link)
[ The skeletal remains of a society destroyed. Astarion has never considered himself sentimental, but there is something about the place that's a bit haunting. One can imagine children running around the fountain, old grannies gathering in the gazebo. He isn't sure when he started finding things like this sad. Before, he'd never had any room for empathy, only the pain of his own suffering.

'Suitable' isn't the word he'd use to describe it, but Astarion crouches to slide under the protection of a dilapidated bridge that runs across a depression in the forest floor. Small, dark. The perfect place for a rat to hide. He sits on the ground, pulling his knees up to his chest to make himself smaller.
]

You know, [ he says, frowning, ] that first day, I curled up and hid behind a collection of shipping containers.
nibbling: (pic#17335620)

[personal profile] nibbling 2025-01-28 01:52 am (UTC)(link)
It was humiliating.

[ Like confirmation that killing Cazador hadn't even mattered, because he'd still changed Astarion irreparably. No matter what, there'll always be a piece of him that remains. He'd been so angry, too, thinking of the celebrating his companions must have been doing. They'd finally been freed, when he'd just been shackled again. Only Karlach would possibly understand, and it isn't like he can just send a letter to Avernus to talk about it. ]

I couldn't bear for you see me in that state. [ Part of him hadn't ever wanted to be seen again. It was just as humiliating to come crawling back at nightfall.

A humorless laugh.
] Well, look at me now.

[ In the span of one day, Iorveth has seen him in nearly every way that Astarion would never want him to. A helpless victim, a hiding cockroach. He feels sick with self-disgust. ]
nibbling: (pic#16896177)

[personal profile] nibbling 2025-01-28 02:42 am (UTC)(link)
[ Yes, he thinks. He wants Iorveth to leave so that he can be morose and brood and feel even worse than he does right now. He wants to wallow in his own self-pity and self-loathing, and once he's done, maybe he'll want to ruin the only good thing he has by taking it out on Iorveth, too. He wants to feel awful, and to make everyone else feel just as awful as he does.

That's the initial thought, anyway. Instinct rarely changes after being set in stone for two centuries. He's spent quite a lot of that time curled up alone in the dark, feeling small and unimportant, seething with rage at himself and at others. There's never been anyone he liked enough, much less trusted enough, to want them to stay. No one whose presence would be a comfort.

Being alone hasn't done much for him. He turns to look at Iorveth, peeking out from under his cover.
]

Don't go.
nibbling: (pic#17335029)

[personal profile] nibbling 2025-01-28 04:10 am (UTC)(link)
[ He sits there silently for a moment, the both of them shaded by the canopy of stone above them as the sun begins to color the sky rosy, brooding and selfish. No part of this must have been easy for Iorveth, he recognizes. It's only that Iorveth is so stoic, so impossibly deferential to Astarion's pain, that he doesn't take the opportunity to wallow in his own.

Astarion reaches out to tuck a strand of wet hair behind Iorveth's ear. His fingers come away muddy.

Softly:
] You look handsome blood-splattered.
nibbling: (pic#17205570)

[personal profile] nibbling 2025-01-28 04:59 am (UTC)(link)
[ That's the face he loves, Iorveth's expression somehow all the softer for the frown lines etched into his skin from what must be a century of scowling. He'd been worried that, perhaps, he might not see this expression, that Iorveth would be upset with him for walking right into a trap and proving him right that Astarion should have just gone to Waterdeep to have tea with Gale. His palm rests on Iorveth's cheek, bloodstained and dirt-streaked, in a gesture that Iorveth has done to him countless times. There's meaning to the action, he thinks, and although he isn't quite sure what it is, he knows that it must be affectionate. ]

If this is any indication, [ he says, swiping some sticky blood from Iorveth's cheek with his thumb, ] you've already thinned out the horde considerably.

[ Iorveth must have slain more men in one day than they have in the last tenday. A massacre, by most accounts. He's quiet for a moment, images flitting through his head of Iorveth swimming through that river, setting that fire, killing those men. ]

I should thank you. You came for me.
Edited (LOOK................) 2025-01-28 05:00 (UTC)
nibbling: (pic#17204367)

[personal profile] nibbling 2025-01-28 05:54 am (UTC)(link)
[ Breathing. Astarion's heart swells. He never imagined Iorveth would leave him to die—that sort of betrayal is anathema to everything Iorveth is—but to hear how inexorable, how inevitable it was fills him with warmth. He matters. If not to the world at large, then at least to one person. His arms twitch with the desire to throw them around Iorveth's shoulders and pull him close, but he's a little disgusting himself, so he resists. ]

They might have been more wily than I gave them credit for.

[ Or maybe he's less wily than he gave himself credit for. He should have been more careful. The wine had seemed harmless, but he should have made an excuse not to drink it instead. He'd said he wanted to protect Iorveth, but instead he put Iorveth in danger. ]

I won't make such a mistake again.
nibbling: (pic#16872682)

[personal profile] nibbling 2025-01-28 07:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Dwindling?

[ Astarion raises an eyebrow, huffing out a dry laugh. ]

My love, I thought we both knew. You haven't any sanity left to dwindle.

[ He hasn't for as long as Astarion has known him, but somehow he's become even more insane than the perpetually angry-looking wood elf with an ugly headscarf that Astarion met on the beach. Astarion doesn't mind, of course. Insane is hot. If not for Iorveth's insanity, he would never have helped Astarion free himself of Cazador, he never would have let a vampire drink his blood, and he definitely wouldn't have asked an undead being with no prospects to travel with him. Insanity works in Astarion's favor.

They're in no condition to cuddle, but Astarion reaches out to touch the tips of their fingers together.
]

You do look handsome, [ he says, because Iorveth always looks handsome in his eyes, ] but you also look as if you've been trampled by a horse. [ Handsomely. ] Rest. I'll keep watch until nightfall.
nibbling: (pic#17335038)

[personal profile] nibbling 2025-01-29 02:05 am (UTC)(link)
[ The day comes and goes without incident. Astarion stays in his hole, only able to appreciate the sunlight from a distance. Once, his hand ventures out into the light for just a moment, but white-hot singeing causes him to yank it back. He broods for a while, and then he does something unthinkable: considers their next steps. Gale is an archwizard, or at least he used to be. What are the chances he's been hiding a sunlight ring this whole time?

Low. Gale isn't cruel. If he had the means to ease a friend's burdens, he would.

The sun sets, and he presses the back of his cold hand against Iorveth's forehead. It feels warm, but he always feels warm in comparison to Astarion, so it's difficult to say whether he's caught an infection or not. Gently, he nudges Iorveth's foot with his own.
]

How do you feel?
nibbling: (pic#17263756)

[personal profile] nibbling 2025-01-29 03:47 am (UTC)(link)
[ Astarion frowns. He's no healer, but he does know that if Iorveth is feeling unwell, pushing himself might make it worse. Perhaps they'll make it to Waterdeep, but then Iorveth will fall down in the middle of the street. Or perhaps they won't make it to Waterdeep at all, because Astarion can't imagine abandoning him if he's too ill to travel.

But he also knows Iorveth, and he knows that nothing he can say will stop Iorveth from pushing himself when he shouldn't, so he crawls out from under the stone bridge into the chilly night.
]

If you say so, [ sounds distinctly disbelieving. ]

If you collapse, I'm not carrying you on my back. [ Not because he doesn't love Iorveth, but because, well, he's very weak. ] One does wish they had a Karlach at a time like this. Hells, I'd even settle for a Halsin.
nibbling: (pic#16896130)

[personal profile] nibbling 2025-01-29 04:50 am (UTC)(link)
[ It's almost inconceivable how satisfying it is to be groomed by Iorveth. It's nothing yet everything, a tiny gesture that makes him feel a gigantic surge of affection. Iorveth didn't fuss with himself, but he took the time to make Astarion's appearance tidy—as tidy as it can be, when he has little bruises all over from being dragged through the tavern and tossed into a cellar—because he knows that Astarion cares about it. For a moment, he can think of nothing but kissing Iorveth's wonderful face, but he tempers the urge, uncertain if his affections would be welcomed by a dirty, disheveled, feverish Iorveth.

He falls into step with Iorveth, following blindly. A testament to the trust Iorveth has earned. Like a lost puppy, Astarion would trail behind him into the hells (with some reluctance).
]

And here I thought you already knew. How else would I have a little fox curled up at my feet every night?
nibbling: (pic#16896182)

[personal profile] nibbling 2025-01-29 09:41 pm (UTC)(link)
[ The comparison to a cat—or any sort of animal—would rankle if it weren't coming from Iorveth, but it is, so Astarion knows it's meant affectionately and not disparagingly. That makes it pleasing rather than irritating, and he scoffs and rolls his eyes in a way that suggests he likes it but will never admit such a thing. ]

Don't expend your energy, darling.

[ He reaches out to touch Iorveth's back, but the sparrow looks at him sideways and he recoils. Eugh, nature. Perhaps it knows that there's something deeply unnatural about him, or perhaps it can tell that he'd sink his teeth into it if it weren't perched on Iorveth right now. ]

It's not as if Gale will turn us away.

[ Probably. Maybe. In fact, he very much could. It's hardly been any time at all since he returned to Waterdeep, but maybe he's already resumed his life there as an illustrious wizard. Maybe two bedraggled elves at his doorstep would be too much trouble.

No, Astarion thinks, shaking his head. Gale is nauseatingly loyal. He might balk at their travel-worn appearances, but he won't make them leave. (Still, there's a nagging little doubt in the back of his head: what in the world will they do if he does?)
]

He'll be overjoyed to see us, I'm sure, [ he adds in a voice that suggests he's convincing himself as much as Iorveth. ] Life must be so dull without us around.
nibbling: (pic#16872696)

[personal profile] nibbling 2025-01-30 12:05 am (UTC)(link)
[ You, Iorveth says, and Astarion hates the way it sounds. It's much like how he'd said Astarion would have no trouble getting a room at the tavern. If Gale were to turn only Iorveth away, Astarion would have to threaten drastic measures. Like shaving that beard of his, perhaps.

None of this needs to be said, though, because Gale won't turn either of them away. It's a requirement for their plans that he doesn't, so Astarion won't entertain another possibility. (Oh, gods, he really hopes Gale hasn't gone on a post-adventure vacation. Then again, maybe Tara would be willing to let them inside in his stead.)
]

Yes, I did always suspect that he carried a torch for me.

[ Conceited until the bitter end. ]

Along with Wyll, of course, and Shadowheart, and Karlach— [ He rattles off the names of all the people he's convinced are obsessed with him, which is pretty much everyone. Minsc, at least, is spared. ] Oh, and I once caught Jaheira giving me a very saucy look.

[ Well, it might have been indigestion. ]

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