essea | [ ELVES CATCHALL POST. ]

[ Iorveth looks handsome even with a too-big frilly shirt and a harsh expression, and although his rare softness is Astarion's favorite of all, he hardly minds if he gets wrinkles by looking like that. His words are a bit less appealing, though, and Astarion furrows his brow a little. He'd thought—or perhaps hoped—that it was petty jealousy. Something fun and light, not indignation at an assault on Astarion's honor.

Ha. Iorveth's mistake. He doesn't have any honor left to tarnish. ]

Gods, I'm not a victim.

[ His chin tips up, prideful. That's the last thing he ever wants Iorveth to see him as. ]

I used the tools at my disposal to best him.

[ At least, that's what he tells himself. It's what he's been telling himself for two hundred years. ]

And that's why I said that my irritation is selfish.

[ Because Astarion isn't some wilting maiden in need of someone to throw punches every time some idiot drools in his direction. It's likely that this is the closest that Iorveth will get to pouting about something, which makes Astarion's previous assessment of what his face is doing semi-accurate.

Sullenly: ] You do something to me.

[ An aggravated gesture with his free hand (the one attached to his injured shoulder, which protests the movement), indicating said Something that he has no idea how to describe. ] I'd thought myself above this.

[ Again, being infatuated is new. He's been loyal, he's been dedicated, but he's never felt compelled to raise his hackles at the mere thought of someone being discomforted by something. All of his feral aggression channeled into feral affection, biting and snapping at whatever it can, whenever it can. ]

[ Iorveth speaks as if Astarion has done something bad to him, but even still, one sullen admission from him is worth ten thousand compliments from a baby-faced (if admittedly good-looking) Fist. He slides his hand down Iorveth's forearm and wrist, slipping his hand into Iorveth's and closing his fingers around it. ]

Even you aren't above succumbing to my considerable charms.

[ Although that doesn't quite seem to be where Iorveth's issue lies. Astarion can understand to an extent; he often feels vexed by how pathetic he's made by love, a pitiful excuse for a vampire who longs for even a crumb of Iorveth's attention. He hadn't had much to take pride in all those years in the palace, but he'd felt satisfaction knowing that he was a lone wolf who didn't need attachments that would only make him vulnerable. That version of himself would be aghast at this version.

With his free hand, he gives Iorveth's cheek a gentle flick. ]

I said to stop pouting, even if you do look very handsome and brooding. Frowning won't make you any less madly obsessed with me, I'm afraid.

[ Iorveth only hates so vehemently because he loves just as vehemently: he can never do anything by halves, which is why he thinks to look offended by the implication that he's obsessed, but ultimately chooses not to snap back with something uncharitable. If the weird glove sort-of fits, etc. ]

I'm trying to exercise restraint.

[ Because it's not actually a laudable thing, hovering like an overbearing stormcloud over the object of his affection. Iorveth will cut himself out of the equation entirely and immediately, without argument or debate, if he ever finds himself acting like a second Cazador.

Who would've thought that loving someone would be so difficult. Worth the growing pains, though. Astarion holds his hand, and Iorveth finds that the touch facilitates the venting of his tension from his shoulders and face. Gods, he's been made so easy. ]

...I'll do the distracting, next time.

[ With finality, as he lets Astarion lead them back towards Elfsong. The detour's turned Iorveth around somewhat; it's a testament to his comfort around Astarion that he allows Astarion to tug him around now. ]

[ Astarion doesn't like the idea of Iorveth making unilateral decisions like this, but he does like the idea of Iorveth trying to seduce some 20-year-old human, so he doesn't argue. He adores Iorveth, really—the light of his life, fire of his loins, and so on—but there's very little provocative about him, unless one finds murderous scowls alluring. Luckily, Astarion does, but he can't see it going over as well with someone who's on the hunt for a one-eyed wood elf terrorist.

It's midday by the time they return to the Elfsong. Astarion opens the door without preamble, striding in on a half-elf and a githyanki with their lips locked. Lae'zel practically jumps back, green-yellow skin turning a dark coral color as she blushes profusely. They weren't doing anything salacious, but perhaps that's the worst of it; Lae'zel, fearsome githyanki warrior, kissing her sweetheart chastely. Shadowheart looks offended at having their canoodling interrupted, and Lae'zel glowers.

"Surely you've heard of knocking," she hisses, "or did the tadpole jumble not only your brains but your manners?" ]

Our manners! This is a shared space, you know. You're only lucky that poor Wyll didn't walk in and learn the facts of life!

[ He is, of course, only performatively scandalized. After all, he had his hand down Iorveth's pants in this very room yesterday. ]

[ The audacity of Lae'zel and Shadowheart being offended when they've participated in cockblocking him countless times. He arches his brow in a way that clearly conveys "am I meant to be surprised, or," which doesn't go over well with their already-annoyed party leader; she gives him a look that might have been able to wilt grass if not for the flush still lingering on her face. ]

We'll leave if you want to fuck, [ he suggests blithely. Shadowheart, despite herself, barks a laugh, but also throws the nearest armchair pillow at his head.

She's no markswoman. It bounces harmlessly off of Iorveth's chest.

"Gods, you two are the absolute worst," she quips as she fixes her shirt, casting her attention on Astarion and his bruised face; quite obviously, she doesn't have it in herself to be surprised by the state that these two elves come back to home base in anymore. "We really should start revoking certain privileges for them, Lae'zel."

Eyes still narrowed and ears still coral, Lae'zel hisses: "my thoughts exactly. I heard that they traumatized the wizard with their antics― perhaps they don't deserve to share a bed." ]

Ugh, you know Gale. The mind does tend to wander to scintillating topics when you're lonely. Clearly, he's imagining things.

[ He brings a hand up beside his head, circling a finger around in the universal sign for crazy. In all honesty, he doesn't care that Gale gossiped about what they did; he'd do it again in a (nonexistent) heartbeat. He'll throw Gale to the wolves before he ever lets Lae'zel revoke his Iorveth-cuddling privileges, though.

It's entirely practical, that's all. It gets cold at night, and he needs a warm body to stay comfortable. ]

Don't get your, ah, surprisingly scanty undies in a twist, [ he tells Lae'zel, to which she scowls even further. ] We did your little task.

[ Iorveth did it while Astarion stood around, but he takes half the credit anyway. ]

Go on, Iorveth. Tell her.

[ "Go on," Astarion says, and Lae'zel rolls her eyes in a way that feels distinctly of the School of Shadowheart. Endearing, almost, that they're rubbing off on each other. ]

I'll report, [ he says to Astarion, unwinding their hands and giving a nudge with his elbow. ] Have Shadowheart see to your face.

[ Best to divide and conquer before the women start coming up with more ideas to punish their wayward elves. Lest Astarion mistake this for getting summarily dismissed, Iorveth cranes sideways and presses his mouth to the edge of Astarion's bruise with the sort of easy affection that manages not to be performative― almost like tucking a stray piece of hair behind someone's ear.

Lae'zel looks vaguely put-upon (she was supposed to be indulging in this gross and fascinating Faerûnian custom of "softness" too, before these idiots ruined it), but allows Iorveth to lead her to the other side of the room, where they discuss what Iorveth'd found under Araj's workshop and the matter of his weaponized blood, while scrutinizing the items that Iorveth'd pilfered from the charred rubble. Talking shop. They fall into a more familiar rhythm, with Lae'zel settling back into her role as leader and Iorveth into his role as a neutral advisor.

Shadowheart, meanwhile, decides to pinch the bridge of Astarion's nose before she gets to work on mending his bruise. "I thought rogues were supposed to be sneaky," she notes. "Sneaky enough not to get decked in the face." ]

And I thought you didn't like githyanki, [ he shoots back, which is enough to shut her up. She works her magic with ease, the warm radiance of her now-Selûne-gifted power soothing the tenderness in his bruise and fading it to only a slightly darker mark on his skin. Were he the type of person with a healthy, alive glow, it wouldn't be noticeable at all, but everything sticks out on this pallid skin. She swipes a thumb over the cut on his chin, too, and he can feel a tingle as the skin stitches itself back together.

"What would you do without me?" she asks, and for the first time, he considers it. Iorveth's northern forest had better be peaceful, or they're going to bleed out while wishing they had a cleric. ]

Your turn! [ he calls impolitely, probably interrupting Iorveth and Lae'zel's conversation. It was undoubtedly boring, anyway. Araj is dead now, so who cares about a few corpses in her basement?

Shadowheart huffs. "I didn't see any injuries that needed mending." ]

That's only because he hasn't stripped for you yet.

[ "Gross," Shadowheart wrinkles her nose. "Don't phrase it like that."

She's not interested in the unhinged elf stripping for her, thanks. But the unhinged elf comes when summoned anyway (she notes that he's shockingly compliant despite Astarion's brusque command), and peels off his rather ridiculous puff-sleeve shirt to reveal his bandaged torso. In hindsight, the weird attire should have tipped her off immediately.

Her cringe turns into a full-blown grimace when Iorveth reveals his wound. A nasty-looking thing with a rudimentary poultice plaster slapped onto it. Iorveth, to his credit (?), doesn't look distressed or bothered about the injury in the slightest: he treats it like a minor annoyance at worst, and raises a brow at Shadowheart's silent judgment. ]

It's impolite to stare, [ he hums, which earns him a not-so-gentle tug to his ear. Ow.

"Come back when you have something worth staring at," she mutters, but stops grousing to close her eyes and focus on the healing at hand; Iorveth doesn't quip back to let her focus on the task at hand, staying perfectly still throughout the process despite the paradoxical cold itch that the curing spell leaves on his skin.

After a few lingering seconds, Shadowheart lifts her hand from his shoulder. There's a thin diagonal line where the wound used to be, but she assures him that it won't scar.

"Now please stay inside and try to behave. I won't heal you twice in a day." ]

[ As Shadowheart works her literal magic, Astarion flits around Iorveth to assess her work. It's mostly a job well done, but he frowns at the line left on Iorveth's tanned skin. Shadowheart had better be right; he'll be furious if it scars, not because of any aesthetic reason but because he can't stand to look at the reminder of the wound. It isn't just that he dislikes seeing Iorveth get injured—while it's certainly distressing, he does have a certain appeal when he's covered in blood—but that he hates to think of the possibility of some wannabe-lawman stringing Iorveth up. So he did a little terrorism! Like everyone else is so perfect.

He isn't quite satisfied with the result, but he steps back anyway, pacified by the healing and Shadowheart's assurance that the mark will fade in time. ]

Stay inside all day and do nothing but lounge around and drink your wine? Perish the thought!

[ "Hey," Shadowheart says, pointing a finger. "I'll know if you pilfer from my stash." ]

[ Regrouping next to Shadowheart with her chin tipped up in appraisal (wondering why these elves are so tall): "Astarion seems well enough. He could go purchase more healing potions for the group."

Still trying to punish them for interrupting her kissing session, Iorveth thinks. It's really too bad for Lae'zel that he thinks she should have a taste of her own medicine― instead of being reasonable or nice, Iorveth reaches for Astarion's arm and loops it around his waist. ]

He could, [ Iorveth concedes. Astarion is perfectly capable of running errands if he wishes to do so. But also: ] Or you lot could leave us here and find a different room to fuck in.

[ Diplomacy! Very pragmatic, too, in Iorveth's opinion. He wouldn't mind if they did whatever they'd wanted to do while they were still in the room― he's no prude― but he'd rather not have to talk over their moaning.

Lae'zel looks like she might unsheathe her sword and decapitate him. Threatening him with a good time, truly. ]

[ Astarion is not perfectly capable of running errands, and the absolute stink-face he makes at the suggestion corroborates that. At least Iorveth has another idea. He might have actually had to end this relationship if Iorveth really thought to send him out potion-shopping.

"Perhaps you would benefit from watching us," Lae'zel says with her tiny nose turned up. "You could learn a thing or two from our 'fucking', as you say." Her tone is stilted and awkward when using such a colloquial term, and Astarion has to imagine that she'd normally say something like copulating or fornicating. Ugh, disgusting.

Shadowheart rubs her temples. "You're all incorrigible." ]

I had no idea you were such an exhibitionist, Lae'zel.

[ After all, the mere act of kissing Shadowheart in semi-public had made her blush from head to toe. Then again, sex must be more familiar to the gith than romance. ]

If you're going to canoodle, at least let me get a good seat first.

[ "Ugh," Shadowheart groans. She steps over toward her bag, rifling through her things before she pulls out a—half-empty—wine bottle. "Come, Lae'zel." She tugs on Lae'zel's arm, leading her out the door. Just as Iorveth had been shockingly compliant, Lae'zel actually allows the manhandling. Gods, she must really like Shadowheart. ]

Well. [ As he watches the two women leave: ] That sorted itself out.

[ Alone time for the both of them! Very ideal. He doesn't seem to mind the fact that it took him being incredibly rude about everything for this to pan out the way it did― again, Toril's meanest elf is only nice to Astarion. It's demonstrated by the subtle shift in demeanor once the door closes and they're left to use the spacious room as they please, Iorveth's austere features softening by virtue of familiarity and trust.

Stretching his limbs, he slips towards Wyll's section of the space and fishes out a mostly-full bottle of Baldur's Grape from his things; after a moment of consideration, he also plucks a few books from the warlock's admirable collection and heads back with the lot in tow. ]

Come, [ he beckons, moving to his bed to make a nice little nest with his pilfered items. ] You'll have your debauchery.

[ Cuddling and drinking and reading. Positively sinful. ]

[ With his noble blood, Wyll does have expensive taste in wine. A fine choice by Iorveth. Astarion follows close behind, flopping down on the bed in the middle of all of Iorveth's ill-gotten possessions. He picks up one of the books, rifling through it quickly before unceremoniously tossing it aside. It lands on the soft bed with a thump. ]

There aren't even any dirty parts in this one.

[ It's all about, horror of horrors, chaste courtly love. How is he supposed to read this? Wyll is truly disturbed. ]

Mm. That's all right. We can make our own debauchery.

[ He shoves Iorveth down against the fluffy mass of pillows--affectionately--and curls up beside him, reveling in the radiating warmth from Iorveth's body. Honestly, it does feel like debauchery. There's nothing more hedonistically indulgent than pressing himself into the crook of Iorveth's body like that needy cat in the tuxedo. ]

[ Effectively manhandled, Iorveth automatically wraps one arm around Astarion's waist once their bodies are pressed flush against each other, sharing warmth. After the events of the night prior and the worry he'd caused, Iorveth intends to spoil Astarion a bit.

Crazy, how that inclination even crosses his mind. He'd never thought himself particularly well-suited to softness, but again: Astarion does something to him. My sweet cat, he murmurs in his native language, low and melodic against the tapered tip of Astarion's ear. ]

At least one of them must have something lurid written in it. [ He's heard Wyll talking to Shadowheart about the garbage they'd read before, and thus knows that the Blade of Frontiers also has horrible taste in reading material. The recollection makes him sigh-laugh, his breath warm where it puffs against Astarion's cheek. ]

I could be persuaded to read some choice passages aloud.

[ A barely-there press of his lips to the slightly darkened skin under one brilliant-red eye; Iorveth has wondered idly before if the dark circles are a uniquely undead feature, or if it's a result of centuries of starvation. ]

Edited (WORDS!!!!!!!) 2024-11-03 19:01 (UTC)

[ Astarion would burst into tears if he knew Iorveth was thinking that he has eyebags right now.

But he doesn't, so he simply basks in the attention, assuming Iorveth is only thinking about how gorgeous his eyes are. Honestly, they're one of his least favorite features of his own; they're something Cazador changed about him beyond recognition, a lasting change that will endure even now that he's dead. Still, it's all right if Iorveth wants to find them ravishing. ]

I would like to hear you talk about throbbing members and quivering legs.

[ He sits up to reach for a book, holding it out for Iorveth to take. This isn't exactly persuasion as much as it is telling him to do it, but he should want to simply to please Astarion. ]

And do read it slowly and sensually.

[ Astarion can pretend that Iorveth is fawning over his eyes, and Iorveth can pretend that Astarion rolled a Nat 20 on Persuasion instead of acknowledging the fact that, in this moment, he's turned into a bit of a simp for his beloved vampire-shaped cat.

Commanded instead of coaxed, Iorveth takes the book from Astarion anyway. "Contract Bound", the title reads, and he flips through its pages to gather what in the hells it could be about.

After a few seconds of silence interrupted by the dry rustle of paper on paper: ] A forbidden romance between a prince and the assassin contracted to kill him. [ And gods, is it ever the most cliche garbage he's seen. Amusing, almost. He laughs under his breath, and sifts through to find something appropriately awful enough to recite out loud.

Shifting closer to Astarion, he reads: ]

"He reached for Nicholas, tangling his fingers in the expensive brocade of his doublet and tearing at it to expose the..." [ Sensually, Astarion had said, but Iorveth can't help but laugh at the descriptions. A bodice ripper, in the truest sense. ] "...Creamy skin of his chest, his pretty peaks already pert to attention."

[ Gods. Playfully, Iorveth tries to flick at Astarion's chest, approximating where his "pretty peaks" might be in his oversized shirt. ]

"Every inch of his intoxicating body was made to pleasure him."

[ This time, Iorveth doesn't snort. He's tempted to. ]

[ Wyll Ravengard! Astarion had thought him a bland, virginal schoolboy, but perhaps there's more to him after all, if this is the sort of reading he does. Briefly, he wonders if he might be able to use this knowledge to torment him in some way, but his attention quickly wanders to Iorveth instead, who is very much not reading this sensually. He's snorting! That isn't sensual at all.

Astarion snaps his fingers, ever the spoiled brat. ]

I requested sensuality.

[ He leans over to glance at the book himself. In truth, he's really only scanning the pages for the words 'cock', 'prick', or 'velvet-wrapped steel'. He's here for the action. ]

Why don't you ever tear my shirt off to expose the creamy skin of my chest?

[ Well. Less creamy, more sallow. ]

[ The action starts a few pages after the description of Nicholas (a ginger with emerald orbs for eyes, apparently) getting his shirt ripped off, so Astarion will have to put up with the flowery foreplay and content himself with the passing mention of Edgar the assassin's "impossible girth" pressing up along Nicholas' "trembling thigh".

To the question of why Iorveth doesn't act deranged (well): ]

You'd whine and moan about me ruining your clothes.

[ Tell him he's wrong, he won't buy it. He flips to the next passage to scan over what passes for dialogue in this story, and actually laughs out loud as he recites: ]

"If only your subjects knew how much you hunger for my prick." [ Iorveth has abandoned the "sensual" part of this endeavor entirely. ] I wonder if this is what our Blade of Frontiers fantasized about when he was still a tender Dukeling.

[ Somewhat likely. Palace politics― or whatever the adjacent is here, in Baldur's Gate― seems extremely tiresome. An assassin with an impressive cock might be the only way to make anything between the cloisters of fortified walls feel exciting. ]

[ He can't tell Iorveth he's wrong, because he isn't. Astarion would find having his clothes neatly folded and set aside far more titillating than having them torn to shreds.

Astarion scoffs, not at the idea of Wyll's fantasies being made of devilishly attractive would-be-assassins, but the idea that Iorveth's aren't. Sure, he's full of repression, but surely even he must indulge in fantasy sometime. Hells, even Astarion did back in the early days in the palace, when he'd imagine some heroic type who'd fall for his charms so heavily that they'd slay his captor and he'd never have to worry about anything ever again. ]

Don't act so above it. Surely even you must be stirred by—

[ His index finger drifts across the page before stopping on a particularly evocative paragraph. ]

Edgar's 'glistening chest' and 'rippling muscles'.

[ Although if rippling muscles excite him, he's saddled himself to the wrong, malnourished horse. ]

[ Blithely: ] I'd be more stirred if I knew anything about Edgar beyond the size of his cock and him being an utterly ineffective assassin.

[ Why is Nicholas being targeted, anyway? It seems far more efficient to kill the king, if someone wants to overturn the current state of government. Iorveth flips through a few more pages, committing the cardinal sin of skipping the smut to find the plot. He really is deranged. ]

―Ah. He was hired by the prince's younger brother. Succession drama. [ A light hum. ] A big-cocked, ineffective assassin with no moral backbone, then.

[ Poor Edgar, roasted by Iorveth for simply daring to be the Bad Boy in a romance novel. He flips back to the sex; at least that part annoys him less. ]

I know what stirs me. I don't need a book to jog my imagination.

Edited 2024-11-04 03:59 (UTC)

[ If he doesn't like ineffectiveness and a lack of a moral backbone, it's a shock that Iorveth ever gave Astarion the time of day. In his head, he's sooo Edgar-coded. Sexy, morally dubious, the Forgotten Realms equivalent of a Byronic hero. Reality is, perhaps, a little more 'angry wet cat' than 'romance book love interest', but reality only gets in the way. He likes the delusional fantasy version of himself more than the underwhelming real version.

As he skims over Nicholas and Edgar's prolonged foreplay--honestly, just rip each other's pants off already--he leans back into the pillows and says, innocently, ] Do say more about what stirs you.

[ How many times has Iorveth chided him for fishing for compliments? He really can't help himself. Iorveth made a grave mistake in becoming so permissive of his more annoying qualities. ]

In as much painstaking detail as you like.

[ Iorveth will never understand how anyone could look at Astarion and possibly see a romance novel sexyman archetype, but dissecting that also forces him to acknowledge the fact that he likes angry wet cats, so. Who's the real clown here???

Anyway. He lets Astarion take control of the book situation for a beat, reaching sideways for their bottle of wine to take a sip of the rich, full-bodied red. It tastes as decadent as this moment feels, curled up with Astarion in his bed, indulging in frivolities. By Iorveth's standards, this is hedonism in its purest form. ]

―White-haired vampires with a penchant for testing my patience, apparently.

[ Sharp words made affectionate by the light chuckle that lifts the tail end of his statement; Iorveth does, in fact, still want to spoil Astarion for the rest of the day. Setting the bottle aside, he tilts Astarion's chin up just a fraction of an inch to press his lips to Astarion's forehead, near the spot where the bruise used to be. ]

His pretty eyes, the curl of his lips. ...When he nudges closer in the morning, still hazy from trancing.

[ Warm and comfortable and distinctly kissable. Sometimes Iorveth can't believe how enamored he is. ]

It makes me want to keep him in bed, indefinitely.

[ Gross.

This is the kind of thing that would have given him hives not long ago. Unbearably sweet, complimentary in a way beyond shallow flattery. It's the epitome of romance for someone who's never been appreciated before, and his ears pink in pleasure. He can feel the faint warmth of his happy blush on his cold skin, and he longs to cover his ears with his hands to hide it, although to do so would just draw even more attention to it. How humiliating, to curl up and purr at a few kind words.

He stares down into the book instead. Edgar's hand is down Nicholas's trousers now. The word 'mewl' is used liberally. ]

Oh, [ he says casually. ] I thought you might compliment my impressive girth.

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