I don't, [ Astarion shoots back, immaturely snippy. ] My heart is quite fond without it.
[ How dare you suggest Iorveth ever be apart from me, essentially. Maybe it's worry that Iorveth will come to love him less if they're not together every minute of every day. Maybe it's the fear that life will immediately become intolerable again with Iorveth to help him navigate it. Or maybe it's pure selfishness and that same desire he'd felt horribly embarrassed about all those months ago: to be close to Iorveth all the time.
It doesn't matter, in the end. If Iorveth doesn't plan to leave him, Astarion won't ever send him away. Iorveth's presence means safety and comfort, and he's loath to give that up for ridiculous ideas of 'being psychologically healthy' and 'not smothering your partner'.
As Iorveth sways forward, Astarion slides a hand up his arm, resting on his shoulder. ]
Is he supposed to look like this?
i'm gonna be so mad if he's in witcher 4 and they make him pretty
[ Wise (?) cleric grandfather is trying to teach these elves a thing or two about having relationships based on trust and space, and trying to reassure them that he has grown old with someone in a very manageable and very loving manner, but apparently the task is like trying to climb up a fully-oiled mountain.
Therapy sessions will cost the pair extra, so Reginald wisely (???) backs off, dislodging Iorveth from his front to let him list against Astarion again.
"Just a suggestion, my lad," he winks again, before addressing Iorveth's slightly-woozy state. "And yes, he'll be fine－ fixing a concussion usually tends to make patients a little, hm, loopy. Brains are delicate things, after all. Try to keep him from doing anything too demanding for the next day or so. Best to stay inside and not be anywhere too bright!"
Patting Iorveth on the head, as if he's a big sullen dog. Iorveth opens his eye (he'd hardly noticed he'd closed it) and glares at the halfling with as much venom as he can muster. ]
Gods, you chatter. [ Says Iorveth, who is deeply in love with a serial yapper. It's fine when Astarion does it, because he loves Astarion. ] Thank you for your assistance, cleric, but you're fast overstaying your welcome.
Edited (how am i making so many typos recently) 2025-06-24 01:30 (UTC)
[ Astarion doesn't notice the hypocrisy. Yeah, Reginald is an annoying yapper! With a sigh, he says, ] Some people just don't know when to stop talking, I'm afraid. [ Not him, though. He's always saying important things that other people should hear.
Gale is obviously dying of humiliation by this point, although in Astarion's opinion, he really should have expected it. Reginald is annoying, and neither Astarion nor Iorveth are the type to keep their derision inside. (Astarion should know, considering he's been the victim of Iorveth's derision many times before.)
"Actually," he says, approaching Reginald. "There is someone else I'd like you to take a look at, if you have a moment to spare. He's been through a rather harrowing few days, so it seems..."
Astarion doesn't really care what Reginald does with Damris, so he tunes Gale out at this point. Instead, he starts working on the arduous process of standing. The soreness, while incredibly mild compared to the crushing pain of having his leg shattered, is somehow worse. Astarion has always been very bad at tolerating minor discomfort. He groans, limping pathetically. ]
I've had enough of all of this, I think. [ Announcing his departure, like anyone cares: ] I'm going to retire to my room.
[ 'His' room. He really does think he owns the place. ]
slaps a 'do not yassify' on iorveth (but also upgrade him from xbox graphics i beg)
[ To Reginald's credit, he truly seems unbothered by the rude behavior from two unbelievably mean elves. Gale needs to be commended for finding someone with such strength of character, or finding someone who might also have been bonked on the head one too many times. Either/or.
Iorveth gets up when Astarion does, woozily offering to let Astarion lean against him for the arduous journey up the stairs and to their (Gale's spare) bedroom. He's tired, fuzzy around the edges, and still fucking furious about everything, which means that he should probably be horizontal before he goes out and murders something for being a minor inconvenience. ]
Let's go, [ is all he offers, along with a curt nod to Reginald in lieu of more thanks.
And, with that, they travel up. On the way, they pass the room where Damris is being kept in－ the door is open, and when Damris sees Astarion limping along the hall, he smiles the brightest, most 'serves-you-right' smile that he can likely muster.
"It sounded like you were in a lot of pain," he calls out as the pair pass. "Poor thing!" ]
Perhaps we should send the stray back to Athkatla.
[ He couldn't, no matter how much Damris irritates him. It would have been one thing to abandon him there, but it's quite another to offer hope (no matter how deranged) and then snatch it away. Astarion had been all right living an empty life with no hope for the future, but the moment he tasted freedom, the idea of ever going back had made him want to vomit.
So he just stomps lopsidedly away until they reach the guest room. It's only then, in the privacy of their bedroom, that it dawns on him that he feels like shit. Physically, mentally. It hits him like a ton of bricks, and he finds himself crawling into bed and curling into the fetal position fully-clothed, even his shoes still on. ]
[ Not Astarion's night. Nightmares, insomnia, murder, mental torture, physical anguish, casual derision. Everything that could (un)reasonably happen to one person in a lifetime has happened to him in the span of a few hours; Iorveth doesn't blame Astarion for wanting to curl up and stay under his blankets for the foreseeable future.
So he tries to take some of the thinking out of Astarion's equation. Sitting near him by the edge of the bed, Iorveth peels back enough of the blanket to get at Astarion's boots, unlacing them slowly to pull them off, one by one. Afterwards, he smooths the blanket back over Astarion and turns the lamplights off, makes sure that the curtains are pulled tight over the window. ]
I thought you might want the blood, [ is his reply, tired but light. Same old Iorveth, always preferring to present as fine, even when he was snarling and hissing at a halfling just moments ago. ] But you need the rest more, I think.
[ He sits by the foot of the bed again, vigilantly watching over the curled lump that Astarion's made himself into. ]
[ From his place as a curled lump, Astarion cracks a small smile. ]
I won't argue with you on that point.
[ He really wasn't an ass. Astarion is an ass, and he feels a bit humiliated for having made such a scene. Reginald was probably right to keep going, even if it had made him feel awful. Still, he's happy to take the opportunity to insult someone who made him feel that way.
A silence stretches out, and then he huffs. ]
Are you just going to sit there like a gargoyle all night? Come here.
[ Unsurprisingly, he finds himself in the mood to bark orders. ]
[ Reginald was not, in fact, an ass. He was patient, and capable, and put up with a lot of fussing from demanding elves, but Iorveth is far too protective of Astarion right now to defend Reginald's honor over Astarion's feelings; if it'd been Lae'zel or Wyll in Astarion's position, Iorveth would most definitely have told them to grit their teeth and bear it.
It's hard to be objective about someone when their fate is more important to you than your own. Being barked at by anyone would usually make Iorveth's teeth ache, like biting into foil, but in this specific context, he welcomes it. It's the one he was waiting for, so he obliges without question, peeling off his own boots and slipping next to Astarion to wrap his arms around that huddled form as best he can. ]
Mm, [ he hums, as he settles. ] No matter how exhausting the day, this takes the edge off of it.
[ A light squeeze, as punctuation. A truly horrendous affair would end with them separated, he thinks: Iorveth still in Athkatla, Astarion in Waterdeep. He doesn't speak that into existence, lest they turn into famous last words. ]
[ It does take the edge off. Iorveth is perfectly-shaped for their bodies to slot together, and being embraced by him feels like comfort rather than smothering. Putting aside things like love and desire, Iorveth makes him feel safe, if only in the protective confines of his arms. The world still feels frightening and threatening to him most of the time, but this tiny little part of the world doesn't.
He lets another moment of silence pass, before mustering the courage to blurt out, ] I don't want to trance again.
[ He feels like he could throw up, actually. But Iorveth might not want to cuddle him if he says that. He also feels bone-tired, like if he doesn't trance willingly soon then he'll probably be unwillingly unconscious at some point. ]
It's heinously foolish, I know. You don't have to tell me. [ Preemptively defensive. If he tells Iorveth that he thinks his feelings are stupid, maybe Iorveth won't think that they are. ] It's just that— it's worse to relive it now that I have something to lose.
[ A horrible thing, to feel betrayed by the existence you have to inhabit. Wanting one thing, but feeling something entirely different. It's agony, Iorveth assumes, not stupid; nesting Astarion a little closer, he rests his chin against silver hair and frowns. ]
...You can speak without fear of judgment.
[ A hand slides up Astarion's back, resting between shoulderblades. Bracing and holding against emotional impact (the worst kind of pain). ]
What makes it "worse" for you?
[ Again, if Astarion wants to talk about it. This time, Iorveth knows better than to threaten him with logical advice; this time, he genuinely only wishes to know. ]
[ A long moment passes, during which Iorveth would be rational to think that Astarion doesn't intend to answer. It isn't that he doesn't want to, because he does. He trusts Iorveth to hold his fragile emotions in his hand without crushing them. It's himself he doesn't trust with them.
Finally: ] In the nightmares, I often come to think that all of this is the dream, and that I've really just woken up.
[ There is no worse thing that could happen to him. The feeling that none of the happiest moments of his life were ever even real is the lowest he's ever felt. ]
You are everything good in this world, you know.
[ He probably shouldn't say this. Iorveth might try to lecture him, again, about how there's still good experiences in the world that have nothing to do with him. On some level, he realizes that this is true, but on a purely emotional level—the level he operates on most frequently—it seems that there's no happiness he's ever felt that Iorveth's fingerprints aren't all over. ]
[ This is probably what Reginald (and Iorveth of spiritual yesteryear) meant when he said they need distance: it's no good to hinge one's entire concept of goodness or happiness on one person. Better to disperse it, better to discover it all around them, in order to make the world feel less threatening. Iorveth is not, in fact, everything good in the world－ he's not even good in the conventional sense at all－ and Astarion owes it to himself to make that discovery so that he can navigate things with a clearer, more secure mindset.
Iorveth should say as much. Maybe on a different day, though. Not now, when they both feel like shit and the world does present itself as a challenge they have to wade through. ]
As are you.
[ So. No pushback. Just an unhinged reciprocation, mirroring intensity. ]
You're free now, [ is another affirmation to add to the pile, palm moving from Astarion's back to his face, thumbing his jaw slowly. ] No one can take anything from you.
[ Iorveth can't possibly know what a relief it is to have his unhealthy, codependent energy met rather than fought against. He doesn't care about what's good for him. He only cares about what makes his very, very long life tolerable. ]
That hag almost did, [ he says with disgust and hatred alike, fingers reaching out to twist in the fabric of Iorveth's shirt as if that might keep him there forever. ] ...And Alkam.
[ Two attempts on Iorveth's life during their trip to Athkatla. What a horrid fucking place. He wants to go somewhere where no one will ever touch either of them with malice ever again, but it seems nearly impossible. Everywhere they go, there are people who want to hurt them. Not for the first time, Astarion finds his mind wandering to the ascension-that-wasn't. ]
I should be the one returning to Athkatla for revenge.
[ He won't, because the difference between them is that Astarion is a coward. If he ever so much as saw the hag again, he'd shake like a leaf. ]
[ Baby steps. The longer they spend out in the world, maybe Astarion will find more things to like about it. Wishful thinking on Iorveth's part, maybe, given that the entire world is constantly looking for ways to kill the both of them (sometimes for good reason), but in a century from now, maybe the plight of the elves will have gotten better, and maybe Iorveth will no longer need to buy people's anger to keep his kin safe. That might give him more space to let Astarion enjoy peace.
May, maybe, might. A lot of hypotheticals. Still, at the very least, at least they have some sort of future together, which is more than Iorveth could ever have asked for before, with his reticence to say "stay with me". ]
Mm.
You are beautiful when you're angry and dressed in blood. [ A deranged reaction to someone saying they want to get revenge. The sensible thing to say would be something along the lines of "revenge doesn't solve anything so you don't have to do that, I'm fine," but Iorveth, the most vengeful elf in Toril, would be lying if he did.
A beat later, he softens and shifts to press a kiss to Astarion's temple, the faint sharp sting of preservative fluid still on his hair. ] But I would rather burn the entirety of Athkatla before I allowed you to be hurt within its walls again.
[ Unironically. Perhaps he has a skewed view of romance, but everything Iorveth says to him feels like the most romantic thing anyone has ever said in the history of time. Some might find Iorveth to be too intense, too morally-challenged — but there could be no one more perfect for Astarion, in his very unbiased opinion. He won't ever believe in the gods' meddling, not when they let him suffer for so long, but Iorveth's existence is almost enough to believe in divine providence. ]
I'm not opposed to burning the whole place down and starting fresh, but— well, we can talk about that later.
[ Clearly, though, the mere idea of torching a large city to the ground has lifted his spirits.
Another moment of contemplation, and he adds, ] What do you think the chances are that our rescue kitten claws us while we rest?
[ Slow, gentle petting through flyaway curls, to make sure that Astarion knows that this isn't a dream. Iorveth is still thinking about that fragile confession, the fear that one day Astarion will have the rug pulled out from under him again－ neither stupid nor unfounded－ which makes Iorveth feel even more protective than he already does.
He laughs about 'rescue kitten', though. ] I thought you were opposed to referring to him as a cat. [ Let alone a kitten. Very cute.
Knuckles brushing along Astarion's cheek, Iorveth notes the lingering dark circles, the lingering signs of puffiness from when he'd maybe, maybe cried. (Making Astarion cry is worse than a war crime by Iorveth's standards; he will fucking kill the hag, one day.) ]
I doubt he'll try anything. If Gale played his role correctly [ "terminal do-gooder far too ambitious for his own good" ], I expect Damris will have been charmed into not holding a knife against our throats.
[ But, like. It might be fun. Iorveth's tone suggests that he might look at Damris more favorably if he tries it, which says too much about him. ]
[ Astarion is opposed to Iorveth calling Damris a cat, because that's what he calls Astarion, and he's terrible at sharing. 'Kitten' is acceptable because it implies he's a lesser, unevolved form of Astarion, which is exactly what Damris is, in Astarion's opinion.
He leans his cheek into Iorveth's touch. It's astounding, really, how different it feels to the touches of his memory-nightmares. Those had been all for someone else, but when Iorveth touches him, he can tell that it's with the intention of making him feel cherished and cared for. He doesn't know how he ever survived without this sort of pure, chaste touching, because he craves it all the time. An embarrassing amount. If he had his way, Iorveth would do nothing but stroke his hair all day. ]
Ugh. Maybe we should reach out to Linus. I don't want him falling in love with Gale.
[ Which feels horribly possible, considering that Gale is probably one of the first people to ever treat him with kindness. Astarion absolutely, positively does not approve. ]
—But I suppose you're right. Besides, he hasn't anywhere else to go.
[ He could take to the streets, but Astarion knows where Damris is right now: lying in a soft, plush bed, safe and comfortable. He won't go.
Finally, finally, he breaches the topic he's been avoiding: ] Did we get the right cloak, do you think?
[ The touch travels up, fingers stroking lightly behind one ear. Tracing and defining, trying to memorize the entirety of Astarion through sense and texture. That hunger to know everything about someone, so that they can never surprise him－ Iorveth's own lingering fear and trauma－ but with Astarion, mostly just because he likes Astarion so much.
Time like this is a luxury. Strangely, he remembers Isengrim for a brief moment, how he'd laid beside his commander and, with Isengrim's long hair tangled in his fingers, thought that surely, one day, they would die together.
A good thing that Iorveth didn't. For the first time since losing Isengrim, Iorveth feels entirely at peace with that loss, and marvels at how right it feels to be nested up against Astarion's now-familiar shape. ]
I can't say. [ He finally replies, after taking that moment to savor his current company. Not at all magically inclined. ] ―I could go get it tested with Gale tomorrow, if you wish. While you rest.
[ If it would be too nervewracking for Astarion to try it out himself, and risk the disappointment. ]
[ His eyelids are heavy, and under Iorveth's gentle ministrations, they fall closed whether he wants them to or not. It's easy to be lured into relaxation this way, even if his thinking mind (at least, as much thinking as Astarion does) wants to resist it. Almost unconsciously, his arms snake around Iorveth's middle and his good leg tangles with Iorveth's. Instinct. His body wants to be close to Iorveth just as much as his mind does. ]
I don't want to hear bad news from Gale, [ he says, voice a little distant and a lot tired. ] He'll prattle on for an hour before getting to the point.
[ Not like Astarion, who uses his words very judiciously. ]
I'll test it myself.
[ A daunting idea. He doesn't even have the first idea of how to properly test it, much less what he'll do if one of the cloaks has a malicious effect. ]
Just let me rest for a few hours, and I'll be fresh as a daisy.
[ Iorveth considers what might happen if neither of the cloaks in their pack are what they're looking for, and how absolutely horrific it'll be if Astarion burns under the sun in both of them, condemning him, yet again, to darkness even after all they've been through.
It would be devastating. It's also likely, given their odds. The sort of thing they both have to be ready for, though Iorveth won't speak that possibility into existence. Instead, he shifts closer to Astarion when arms loop around his middle, and dots tired, soft kisses against Astarion's forehead, his temple. ]
You'll need more than a few hours. [ A few days, really. ] But, yes. Rest, beloved. I'll be here when you wake.
[ A featherlight kiss, this time to Astarion's mouth proper. ]
...And I'll shoo our kitten away if he tries to crawl into bed with us.
[ Levity. The bed is big enough, but three is definitely a crowd. ]
[ Despite everything, Astarion smiles at the image of Damris trying to crawl into bed with them like an unruly kitten. Ha. He'd probably hate that Astarion so much as pictured it, so he makes sure to linger on the thought, just to be rude.
It takes far longer for him to fall into his trance than normal, partly owing to conscious resistance but mostly to unconscious resistance; every time he feels himself falling into his trance, his whole body tenses up and he has to start the whole process of relaxation again, pulling Iorveth closer like a life-sized teddy bear (with a lot more sharp angles). Finally, though, after what feels like hours, he slips into unconsciousness. Not nightmares — just a void, as if he's too tired even to meditate or create dreams.
He stays like that for much longer than the 'few hours' that he'd promised. In fact, dawn is breaking all over again by the time he begins to stir, a lump on the mattress coming back to life. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ok iorveth is serving a bit in that pic
[ How dare you suggest Iorveth ever be apart from me, essentially. Maybe it's worry that Iorveth will come to love him less if they're not together every minute of every day. Maybe it's the fear that life will immediately become intolerable again with Iorveth to help him navigate it. Or maybe it's pure selfishness and that same desire he'd felt horribly embarrassed about all those months ago: to be close to Iorveth all the time.
It doesn't matter, in the end. If Iorveth doesn't plan to leave him, Astarion won't ever send him away. Iorveth's presence means safety and comfort, and he's loath to give that up for ridiculous ideas of 'being psychologically healthy' and 'not smothering your partner'.
As Iorveth sways forward, Astarion slides a hand up his arm, resting on his shoulder. ]
Is he supposed to look like this?
i'm gonna be so mad if he's in witcher 4 and they make him pretty
Therapy sessions will cost the pair extra, so Reginald wisely (???) backs off, dislodging Iorveth from his front to let him list against Astarion again.
"Just a suggestion, my lad," he winks again, before addressing Iorveth's slightly-woozy state. "And yes, he'll be fine－ fixing a concussion usually tends to make patients a little, hm, loopy. Brains are delicate things, after all. Try to keep him from doing anything too demanding for the next day or so. Best to stay inside and not be anywhere too bright!"
Patting Iorveth on the head, as if he's a big sullen dog. Iorveth opens his eye (he'd hardly noticed he'd closed it) and glares at the halfling with as much venom as he can muster. ]
Gods, you chatter. [ Says Iorveth, who is deeply in love with a serial yapper. It's fine when Astarion does it, because he loves Astarion. ] Thank you for your assistance, cleric, but you're fast overstaying your welcome.
do NOT defreak my elf
Gale is obviously dying of humiliation by this point, although in Astarion's opinion, he really should have expected it. Reginald is annoying, and neither Astarion nor Iorveth are the type to keep their derision inside. (Astarion should know, considering he's been the victim of Iorveth's derision many times before.)
"Actually," he says, approaching Reginald. "There is someone else I'd like you to take a look at, if you have a moment to spare. He's been through a rather harrowing few days, so it seems..."
Astarion doesn't really care what Reginald does with Damris, so he tunes Gale out at this point. Instead, he starts working on the arduous process of standing. The soreness, while incredibly mild compared to the crushing pain of having his leg shattered, is somehow worse. Astarion has always been very bad at tolerating minor discomfort. He groans, limping pathetically. ]
I've had enough of all of this, I think. [ Announcing his departure, like anyone cares: ] I'm going to retire to my room.
[ 'His' room. He really does think he owns the place. ]
slaps a 'do not yassify' on iorveth (but also upgrade him from xbox graphics i beg)
Iorveth gets up when Astarion does, woozily offering to let Astarion lean against him for the arduous journey up the stairs and to their (Gale's spare) bedroom. He's tired, fuzzy around the edges, and still fucking furious about everything, which means that he should probably be horizontal before he goes out and murders something for being a minor inconvenience. ]
Let's go, [ is all he offers, along with a curt nod to Reginald in lieu of more thanks.
And, with that, they travel up. On the way, they pass the room where Damris is being kept in－ the door is open, and when Damris sees Astarion limping along the hall, he smiles the brightest, most 'serves-you-right' smile that he can likely muster.
"It sounded like you were in a lot of pain," he calls out as the pair pass. "Poor thing!" ]
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Perhaps we should send the stray back to Athkatla.
[ He couldn't, no matter how much Damris irritates him. It would have been one thing to abandon him there, but it's quite another to offer hope (no matter how deranged) and then snatch it away. Astarion had been all right living an empty life with no hope for the future, but the moment he tasted freedom, the idea of ever going back had made him want to vomit.
So he just stomps lopsidedly away until they reach the guest room. It's only then, in the privacy of their bedroom, that it dawns on him that he feels like shit. Physically, mentally. It hits him like a ton of bricks, and he finds himself crawling into bed and curling into the fetal position fully-clothed, even his shoes still on. ]
You should have made him heal your hand.
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So he tries to take some of the thinking out of Astarion's equation. Sitting near him by the edge of the bed, Iorveth peels back enough of the blanket to get at Astarion's boots, unlacing them slowly to pull them off, one by one. Afterwards, he smooths the blanket back over Astarion and turns the lamplights off, makes sure that the curtains are pulled tight over the window. ]
I thought you might want the blood, [ is his reply, tired but light. Same old Iorveth, always preferring to present as fine, even when he was snarling and hissing at a halfling just moments ago. ] But you need the rest more, I think.
[ He sits by the foot of the bed again, vigilantly watching over the curled lump that Astarion's made himself into. ]
Also, the cleric was an ass.
no subject
I won't argue with you on that point.
[ He really wasn't an ass. Astarion is an ass, and he feels a bit humiliated for having made such a scene. Reginald was probably right to keep going, even if it had made him feel awful. Still, he's happy to take the opportunity to insult someone who made him feel that way.
A silence stretches out, and then he huffs. ]
Are you just going to sit there like a gargoyle all night? Come here.
[ Unsurprisingly, he finds himself in the mood to bark orders. ]
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It's hard to be objective about someone when their fate is more important to you than your own. Being barked at by anyone would usually make Iorveth's teeth ache, like biting into foil, but in this specific context, he welcomes it. It's the one he was waiting for, so he obliges without question, peeling off his own boots and slipping next to Astarion to wrap his arms around that huddled form as best he can. ]
Mm, [ he hums, as he settles. ] No matter how exhausting the day, this takes the edge off of it.
[ A light squeeze, as punctuation. A truly horrendous affair would end with them separated, he thinks: Iorveth still in Athkatla, Astarion in Waterdeep. He doesn't speak that into existence, lest they turn into famous last words. ]
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He lets another moment of silence pass, before mustering the courage to blurt out, ] I don't want to trance again.
[ He feels like he could throw up, actually. But Iorveth might not want to cuddle him if he says that. He also feels bone-tired, like if he doesn't trance willingly soon then he'll probably be unwillingly unconscious at some point. ]
It's heinously foolish, I know. You don't have to tell me. [ Preemptively defensive. If he tells Iorveth that he thinks his feelings are stupid, maybe Iorveth won't think that they are. ] It's just that— it's worse to relive it now that I have something to lose.
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...You can speak without fear of judgment.
[ A hand slides up Astarion's back, resting between shoulderblades. Bracing and holding against emotional impact (the worst kind of pain). ]
What makes it "worse" for you?
[ Again, if Astarion wants to talk about it. This time, Iorveth knows better than to threaten him with logical advice; this time, he genuinely only wishes to know. ]
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Finally: ] In the nightmares, I often come to think that all of this is the dream, and that I've really just woken up.
[ There is no worse thing that could happen to him. The feeling that none of the happiest moments of his life were ever even real is the lowest he's ever felt. ]
You are everything good in this world, you know.
[ He probably shouldn't say this. Iorveth might try to lecture him, again, about how there's still good experiences in the world that have nothing to do with him. On some level, he realizes that this is true, but on a purely emotional level—the level he operates on most frequently—it seems that there's no happiness he's ever felt that Iorveth's fingerprints aren't all over. ]
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Iorveth should say as much. Maybe on a different day, though. Not now, when they both feel like shit and the world does present itself as a challenge they have to wade through. ]
As are you.
[ So. No pushback. Just an unhinged reciprocation, mirroring intensity. ]
You're free now, [ is another affirmation to add to the pile, palm moving from Astarion's back to his face, thumbing his jaw slowly. ] No one can take anything from you.
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That hag almost did, [ he says with disgust and hatred alike, fingers reaching out to twist in the fabric of Iorveth's shirt as if that might keep him there forever. ] ...And Alkam.
[ Two attempts on Iorveth's life during their trip to Athkatla. What a horrid fucking place. He wants to go somewhere where no one will ever touch either of them with malice ever again, but it seems nearly impossible. Everywhere they go, there are people who want to hurt them. Not for the first time, Astarion finds his mind wandering to the ascension-that-wasn't. ]
I should be the one returning to Athkatla for revenge.
[ He won't, because the difference between them is that Astarion is a coward. If he ever so much as saw the hag again, he'd shake like a leaf. ]
no subject
May, maybe, might. A lot of hypotheticals. Still, at the very least, at least they have some sort of future together, which is more than Iorveth could ever have asked for before, with his reticence to say "stay with me". ]
Mm.
You are beautiful when you're angry and dressed in blood. [ A deranged reaction to someone saying they want to get revenge. The sensible thing to say would be something along the lines of "revenge doesn't solve anything so you don't have to do that, I'm fine," but Iorveth, the most vengeful elf in Toril, would be lying if he did.
A beat later, he softens and shifts to press a kiss to Astarion's temple, the faint sharp sting of preservative fluid still on his hair. ] But I would rather burn the entirety of Athkatla before I allowed you to be hurt within its walls again.
[ Again. Not a good person. ]
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[ Unironically. Perhaps he has a skewed view of romance, but everything Iorveth says to him feels like the most romantic thing anyone has ever said in the history of time. Some might find Iorveth to be too intense, too morally-challenged — but there could be no one more perfect for Astarion, in his very unbiased opinion. He won't ever believe in the gods' meddling, not when they let him suffer for so long, but Iorveth's existence is almost enough to believe in divine providence. ]
I'm not opposed to burning the whole place down and starting fresh, but— well, we can talk about that later.
[ Clearly, though, the mere idea of torching a large city to the ground has lifted his spirits.
Another moment of contemplation, and he adds, ] What do you think the chances are that our rescue kitten claws us while we rest?
[ Damris. ]
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He laughs about 'rescue kitten', though. ] I thought you were opposed to referring to him as a cat. [ Let alone a kitten. Very cute.
Knuckles brushing along Astarion's cheek, Iorveth notes the lingering dark circles, the lingering signs of puffiness from when he'd maybe, maybe cried. (Making Astarion cry is worse than a war crime by Iorveth's standards; he will fucking kill the hag, one day.) ]
I doubt he'll try anything. If Gale played his role correctly [ "terminal do-gooder far too ambitious for his own good" ], I expect Damris will have been charmed into not holding a knife against our throats.
[ But, like. It might be fun. Iorveth's tone suggests that he might look at Damris more favorably if he tries it, which says too much about him. ]
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He leans his cheek into Iorveth's touch. It's astounding, really, how different it feels to the touches of his memory-nightmares. Those had been all for someone else, but when Iorveth touches him, he can tell that it's with the intention of making him feel cherished and cared for. He doesn't know how he ever survived without this sort of pure, chaste touching, because he craves it all the time. An embarrassing amount. If he had his way, Iorveth would do nothing but stroke his hair all day. ]
Ugh. Maybe we should reach out to Linus. I don't want him falling in love with Gale.
[ Which feels horribly possible, considering that Gale is probably one of the first people to ever treat him with kindness. Astarion absolutely, positively does not approve. ]
—But I suppose you're right. Besides, he hasn't anywhere else to go.
[ He could take to the streets, but Astarion knows where Damris is right now: lying in a soft, plush bed, safe and comfortable. He won't go.
Finally, finally, he breaches the topic he's been avoiding: ] Did we get the right cloak, do you think?
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Time like this is a luxury. Strangely, he remembers Isengrim for a brief moment, how he'd laid beside his commander and, with Isengrim's long hair tangled in his fingers, thought that surely, one day, they would die together.
A good thing that Iorveth didn't. For the first time since losing Isengrim, Iorveth feels entirely at peace with that loss, and marvels at how right it feels to be nested up against Astarion's now-familiar shape. ]
I can't say. [ He finally replies, after taking that moment to savor his current company. Not at all magically inclined. ] ―I could go get it tested with Gale tomorrow, if you wish. While you rest.
[ If it would be too nervewracking for Astarion to try it out himself, and risk the disappointment. ]
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I don't want to hear bad news from Gale, [ he says, voice a little distant and a lot tired. ] He'll prattle on for an hour before getting to the point.
[ Not like Astarion, who uses his words very judiciously. ]
I'll test it myself.
[ A daunting idea. He doesn't even have the first idea of how to properly test it, much less what he'll do if one of the cloaks has a malicious effect. ]
Just let me rest for a few hours, and I'll be fresh as a daisy.
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It would be devastating. It's also likely, given their odds. The sort of thing they both have to be ready for, though Iorveth won't speak that possibility into existence. Instead, he shifts closer to Astarion when arms loop around his middle, and dots tired, soft kisses against Astarion's forehead, his temple. ]
You'll need more than a few hours. [ A few days, really. ] But, yes. Rest, beloved. I'll be here when you wake.
[ A featherlight kiss, this time to Astarion's mouth proper. ]
...And I'll shoo our kitten away if he tries to crawl into bed with us.
[ Levity. The bed is big enough, but three is definitely a crowd. ]
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It takes far longer for him to fall into his trance than normal, partly owing to conscious resistance but mostly to unconscious resistance; every time he feels himself falling into his trance, his whole body tenses up and he has to start the whole process of relaxation again, pulling Iorveth closer like a life-sized teddy bear (with a lot more sharp angles). Finally, though, after what feels like hours, he slips into unconsciousness. Not nightmares — just a void, as if he's too tired even to meditate or create dreams.
He stays like that for much longer than the 'few hours' that he'd promised. In fact, dawn is breaking all over again by the time he begins to stir, a lump on the mattress coming back to life. ]