[ He'd been so deeply upset by the fact that Iorveth hadn't. Offended by the fact that Iorveth thought he could just walk into Astarion's life, make him feel things he'd never felt before, and then disappear. Maybe write a letter once a year. ]
I just... couldn't force myself to say so.
[ Vulnerability had still felt like death then. He'd instead spent all of his time convincing himself that it was for the better that Iorveth didn't want him to stick around. The Aen Seidhe would never like him, he'd thought, and besides, he despised nature. All of that ruminating, and he never truly managed to rid himself of the desire to be asked. Even then, he knew that none of those things would have mattered if there were someone in the world who cared enough about him to want him to stay. ]
Gods. I wanted to be near you all the time. [ He still does, but it doesn't feel quite so much like a scary, foreign feeling anymore. At the time, he'd found it a horrific desire. Never had he ever wanted to be close to someone before; more like as far away as possible. ] I thought that you must have made me into some sort of degenerate.
[ Nothing had ever felt so deviant as wanting to stand next to Iorveth. Spend time with him. Maybe even brush the backs of their hands together as they walk and pretend it was an accident.
Another kiss, this time to Iorveth's jaw, and he quips, ] Now I know you have.
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[ He'd been so deeply upset by the fact that Iorveth hadn't. Offended by the fact that Iorveth thought he could just walk into Astarion's life, make him feel things he'd never felt before, and then disappear. Maybe write a letter once a year. ]
I just... couldn't force myself to say so.
[ Vulnerability had still felt like death then. He'd instead spent all of his time convincing himself that it was for the better that Iorveth didn't want him to stick around. The Aen Seidhe would never like him, he'd thought, and besides, he despised nature. All of that ruminating, and he never truly managed to rid himself of the desire to be asked. Even then, he knew that none of those things would have mattered if there were someone in the world who cared enough about him to want him to stay. ]
Gods. I wanted to be near you all the time. [ He still does, but it doesn't feel quite so much like a scary, foreign feeling anymore. At the time, he'd found it a horrific desire. Never had he ever wanted to be close to someone before; more like as far away as possible. ] I thought that you must have made me into some sort of degenerate.
[ Nothing had ever felt so deviant as wanting to stand next to Iorveth. Spend time with him. Maybe even brush the backs of their hands together as they walk and pretend it was an accident.
Another kiss, this time to Iorveth's jaw, and he quips, ] Now I know you have.